This is the first of a four part series on creative writing and its healing power in your abuse recovery. It is written by New York poet Kristy Johnson, MFA.
No one can see their reflection in running water. It is only in still water that we can see. - Taoist Proverb
Recently, I was on a plane flying from New York city in route to Little Rock, AR. I was on my way to the Committed to Freedom Reconnect Alumni Conference where, besides being a participant, I was going to a workshop on using poetry as a tool to “find your voice”. I find that plane rides can be perfect places to contemplate the poetic in life. Note this typical scene:
There is a bustle of activity in boarding, some passengers are looking for their seats, while others are finding space to store carry-ons, as flight attendants are making announcements over the loud speaker. The sound of clicks from seatbelts being fastened, the murmur of introductions or last minute phone conversations, babies and toddlers crying or cooing, books and laptops being shoved in the backseat pockets, all fill the crowded space.
After everyone is seated and belted into place, passengers are asked to be seated for take off. There is no movement, no phone or computer use allowed, everyone is asked to wait until “The Capitan has turned off the seatbelt sign, then you are free to move about the cabin.” All on flight, including the flight attendants, are at rest, forced to focus, either on the feeling of rising into the air or simply on the lighted seatbelt sign. At that time,the cabin is almost motionless-- a collective moment of forced peace.
Then, at 10,000 feet, there is a ding that sounds, the seat belt light goes off and the flight attendants announce “you are free to move about the cabin.” Suddenly, the flurry begins again, as some make their way to the rest room, open the overhead compartments to get their laptops, books, knitting, etc. and the murmur of conversation begins again.
It is in that “collective moment of forced peace” where poetry lives and is. Poetry lives in the in between points of our lives. It is between the habitual and stress-filled activity of our daily living; between regret, fear and the loss of the past and the anxious possibility of the future. The poetic moments in life are often in the present, they have no past or future - they simply are, right now, in focus and at rest for us to meditate upon.
Those of us raised in the Christian tradition understand this concept. We are told in the scriptures to, “Be still and know that I am God.” It is a call to stop the motion of our active lives and really give attention to understanding and connecting with God. Some Eastern philosophies follow a practice of what they call “calm abiding.” This is defined as, “the one-pointed abiding on any object without distraction of a mind conjoined with a bliss of physical and mental pliancy.” It is an invitation to find peace, insight, stability and wisdom through concentrated focus and perspective on what is true. For us, as survivors, it is a call to transform the lies that feel like truth into the truth that has felt like a lie.
But, walking a focused existence can feel virtually impossible to us, as abuse survivors. Ironically, we understand a negative form of focusing on an event, object or emotion. Because of what has happened to us we often cannot STOP focusing on the terror of our abuse or the emotions, physical ailments, negative self talk, etc. that have resulted from it. Fighting our triggers and emotional allergies is a constant battle.
Cultivating a poetic soul may actually sound like a threat. We want to get away from the moments, memories and thoughts that keep us from functioning and dealing with the daily bustle that demands our attention. How does this apply to me when my boss is pressuring me to meet a deadline, my back is aching from a long day of standing on my feet, my kids are sick or in trouble at school, I’m worried where my next pay check is coming from, etc.? What does cultivating a poetic soul mean with respect to my everyday life?
Understanding how to live in the present and cultivate moments of stillness and focus even in the midst of our raging days can be a valuable tool. We have the power, as survivors, to stop and RE-focus on the how and why abuse is affecting us right now. Being poetic for us means using the tools we have been given to quiet the fearful, anxious, negative voices and images of past memories and transforming them into manageable healing words, images and strategies that will give us the ability to move on. We can live in the freedom of the present because, no matter how awful life may get, we have the strength to declare that we are no longer at the power and control of someone else. Cultivating a poetic soul involves finding practical ways to live in the wonderful fact that WE ARE STILL HERE and giving voice to who we truly are—beautiful, expressive, valued yet wounded sojourners finding our way to healing step by limping step.
Over the next few weeks I would like to introduce some practical exercises for you to use on your journey. Writing and the use of poetic healing words and word pictures can be another tool for us to draw on to: help find our voice, manage the emotions and lies that creep up daily, and discover the resting place that will give us strength, in between our busy lives.
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