Unjust War

Take a deep breath. In order to move beyond abuse, the battles you must fight are completely unfair. You won’t get very far in your journey if you don’t accept that simple and terrible truth. The abuse was unjust. The damage was unjust. The war is unjust. There’s just no way to get around that fact.

There’s a lot to be said for reality (of course – there’s a lot to be said for avoiding it, too!). Reality – as difficult and harsh as it may be – doesn’t pull any punches. It is what it is. In my own journey beyond abuse I discovered that a major battle was just accepting the fact that there WAS indeed a battle and that I was the one who had to fight it. I had to acknowledge the outrageous injustice that I was sexually abused in the first place. I had to embrace the horrific damage inflicted on my mind, body, and spirit. I had to accept the fight to retrieve my life. Just as a call to arms goes forth in time of war – I heard the battle cry for a very private war.

One great mistake that many abuse survivors make when they hear this battle cry is to enter it without the right equipment. No, I’m not going to take you on the familiar “put on the whole armor of God” metaphor (found in Ephesians 6:10-18) – but that’s not a bad idea! There is most definitely an urgent need to charge into combat with adequate spiritual preparation, but this passage of Scripture is more about evangelism than abuse recovery.

The battle you must fight is often a very lonely one and each conflict is agonizingly complex. The pace of this war creeps along with glacier-like speed. Your preparation to enter the war zone must include several things:
You must be extremely committed to truth – no matter how difficult. Recovery is never possible if lies prop up the illusion that everything is okay, when it isn’t.
You must intentionally seek out replenishing experiences – those that build you up and don’t drain you. Replenishing people, replenishing relaxation, replenishing entertainment and activities. These should NOT be exclusively abuse-recovery-focused. An exercise partner, a prayer or meditation practice, a funny movie, or a good nap will work just fine.
You must use the expertise of others to properly train you – counselors, books, spiritual mentors, and other resources to help you along the way with appropriate guidance and information. Remember – knowledge is power.
You must frequently remind yourself that this is a JUST CAUSE in an unjust war. That cause is personal empowerment and recovery. Think about how a national anthem evokes feelings of patriotism – it is played again and again at official functions to remind citizens of their cause. Why not do the same thing for yourself – find a song that speaks deeply to you of courage, inspiration, and healing. Designate that as YOUR anthem for healing and play it often as a reminder of your JUST CAUSE – your journey to healing.

While I’m not a big fan of using the war metaphor to discuss ANYTHING – it seems to most accurately capture the task of abuse recovery. You have been left with damage, issues, and a lot of injustice. What would be even MORE obscene is if you were a traitor to what is rightfully yours – your own life.

So . . . engage! Respond to the call to arms and use every ounce of energy, resources, and passion that you have to take what is rightfully yours. Others may join you in this battle. God will sustain and strengthen you in this battle. But the one who stands on the field of combat must also be YOU. And you – with that slingshot and smooth stone – will be empowered to slay the giant and reclaim what is yours (1 Samuel 17).