Advent's Trauma

(This is the second in a series of three articles about Advent as we prepare our hearts for Christmas: (1) Advent's Journey, (2) Advent's Trauma, and (3) Advent's Celebration.)

The arrival of Jesus was declared to be "good news." He was given the title of Prince of Peace, and yet, there was anything but peace taking place around the events of his birth. Joseph, when he heard the Virgin Mary was pregnant, considered a quiet divorce* from her (a kinder option than having her stoned to death), the land was occupied by a brutal regime, and they were issued harsh requirements to travel far from home and give birth in a barn. All of these were certainly traumatic! Not yet fully realized by Mary and Joseph was the very real threat that Jesus' birth posed.

Later in his life, his presence would prove so threatening to religious leaders that they would have him assassinated, but from birth, he was perceived to be a threat by a civil king, too. You're probably familiar with the Christmas story about the Magi (probably astrologers from Persia) who stopped in to see King Herod (Matthew 2:1-18). They were on a quest to find Jesus - the King of the Jews - which Herod found so threatening that he had all the boys under the age of two in and around Bethlehem slaughtered, hoping that this infant king would be killed too. I can't imagine the horrific scene or the overwhelming heartache that took place as his orders were carried out.

Abuse is about trauma. It happens because people do terrible things to each other. It happens because the weak and vulnerable are crushed by those who misuse their power. It happens when compassion and empathy are not part of the cultural or personal equation of small-minded people.

In your journey beyond abuse, it is easy to be consumed by the trauma of your experiences. It is easy to feel threatened by the past. It is easy to become brutal or paranoid or calloused. It is easy to forget who you are or to run away from making that discovery, but I want you to know that there is also great joy in this journey.

The arrival of Jesus was, indeed, "good news." Despite all the cruelty, the tarnished reputations, or the harsh circumstances, the presence of Christ was and still is good news. In fact, against that brutal backdrop, the Prince of Peace especially shines bright in contrast to trauma as a beacon showing us another way.

The trauma of your abuse has the very real potential of turning you into an equally heartless predator, but it also can be used to propel you forward and away - beyond it. I realize this is an allegorical parallel, but the fact remains, that "the people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned" (Isaiah 9:2, Hebrew Bible).

As you walk on your journey beyond trauma - beyond abuse - you may feel as if you're walking in darkness. That's when it is most important to lift your eyes, focus on that star in the east (or west or north or south!) and follow that light through the trauma - the shadow of death - and into the dawn. Your dawn begins the moment you choose to take a different road than the cruel, the paranoid, or the calloused. Your dawn takes place when you follow the Prince of Peace and become – like him - a magnificent being of depth, compassion, empathy, and kindness.

*Betrothal during the era of Jesus’ birth was considered to be marriage that had not yet been consummated.

Next week we will look at Advent's Celebration and the parallels to your journey beyond abuse.

Written by
Sallie Culbreth, Founder
Committed to Freedom . . . providing people with spiritual tools to help them move beyond abuse.

Advent's Journey

(This is the first in a series of three articles about Advent as we prepare our hearts for Christmas: (1) Advent's Journey, (2) Advent's Trauma, and (3) Advent's Celebration.)

You would think that the task of bringing Jesus into the world would have qualified for a first class ticket in a deluxe camel caravan suite, but that wasn't the way it worked out for Mary and Joseph. From the beginning, there were no free passes for Jesus or his family. I've often tried to place myself in their shoes (or sandals). Of course, at this time of year, pastors and choirs and made-for-television Christmas specials examine every Christmas possibility, but this isn't going to be a detailed exploration of those reflections. Instead, from the perspective of an abuse survivor, I want to explore the parallel journey you are on as you make your way to a life beyond abuse.

Unsettling news was what prompted the journey of Mary and Joseph to Bethlehem. Mary's pregnancy and Joseph's response bound them together to complete an incredibly difficult mission. They were suddenly placed in a situation where society might reject them, where family might deny them, and where trust might never form between them. Their truth had the potential to isolate and possibly endanger their status and well-being.

When you, as an abuse survivor, finally acknowledge the unsettling truth about your experiences . . . when you rock the boat, shatter the secrets, and are emboldened to reclaim your life - you will be launched on a journey that has the potential to isolate and change how others see and they relate to you. This is a good thing, but it is also unsettling and life changing. However, to begin the process of moving beyond abuse will means that you have been prompted to take that first step. Making that decision - acting upon that decision - changes everything. Is there risk involved? Absolutely! You risk rejection, isolation, and perhaps even retribution. You also risk discovering the deepest levels of strength, love, beautiful people, and personal empowerment.

Under the circumstances, the journey was difficult. Mary was in the late term of her pregnancy; Joseph - knowing Who she was pregnant with - was responsible for her safe passage to Bethlehem. Not only that, but they lived under oppressive civil authority that required them to take this journey, and under rigid religious authority that eventually used their rules to crucify this child who was about to be born. However, they did not make this trip alone. There were others in equally difficult circumstances that travelled in this caravan toward Bethlehem.

The journey beyond abuse is always difficult. The circumstances - the actual abuse, your relationship dynamics, and the damage that you carry - create tremendous challenges to find safe passage to a life of peace, health, and balance. It is possible that you may encounter oppressive and rigid people who will not facilitate your progress, but throw further obstacles in your way. It is also possible that you will discover people on the same path who are willing to walk along side you as you travel.

At the journey's end – once the arrived in Bethlehem - it looked nothing like Mary and Joseph imagined. They expected to stay at an inn. Instead - thanks to the kindness of a stranger, the innkeeper - they were ushered to a stable where Mary gave birth amid donkeys and sheep and chickens and hay. I’ve read commentary on this that states the stable was actually a much better environment for Mary and Joseph than the inn. Rather than being crammed in a crowded inn with others, they were given the privacy and space they needed for the birth of Jesus.

People are often surprised by what they find when they move beyond abuse. It's probable that we all start out with some idea of what being healthy and balanced will look like, but it's also quite probable that the reality of journey's end will look quite different from that initial expectation. Being healthy might mean the beginning of a new relationship or the ending of an old one. It might mean changing personal habits or occupations or locations. Being balanced might completely alter the way you interact with others or how you reconnect with God. As you grow healthier, as you move further beyond abuse, you will discover that that which once occupied center-stage of your attention and your life - your abuse - will move to the side until it no longer defines you.

How wonderful it would have been for Mary and Joseph had there been a luxury train and a beautiful birthing suite for their journey to Bethlehem. How much easier it would have been if the angel of the Lord had appeared to all of their friends and leaders to let them know exactly Who was on his way and how this family should receive royal treatment at every juncture of the situation. But this was not to be for Mary and Joseph and Jesus. No short-cuts. No easy passage. No accommodation for these unique circumstances. This was a difficult journey in difficult circumstances.

You can spend all of your energy waiting for the luxury liner to pick you up and transport you to a fantasy destination, but that won't accomplish the new life you seek on this journey beyond abuse. Something has happened to you that is unsettling, inconvenient, and often quite painful. To move beyond abuse means that you embrace that reality and put one foot in front of the other because you KNOW there is more for your life than dysfunction, hopelessness, and chaos.

Why the human experience of men and women who do extraordinary things is so difficult remains a mystery. Mary and Joseph were given a remarkable privilege to participate in God's redemption of this world. You have also been given a remarkable privilege - to reclaim your life and find personal empowerment, health, and balance. That is no easy task, but when you take your life back into your hands - and out of your abusers' hands - you will be filled with awe and wonder. You will witness intimate miracles that few people could ever imagine. You will be in the presence of a miracle, of redemption, and of hope.

One final thought. This journey's struggle came about because average people made themselves available to do something extraordinary, and in that process, they were changed forever with the arrival of Christ. As you make yourself available to do something extraordinary, you, too, will be forever changed as you participate in life, following the path well-worn by the Prince of Peace.

Next week we will look at Advent's Trauma and the parallels with your journey beyond abuse.

Written by
Sallie Culbreth, Founder

Committed to Freedom . . . providing people with spiritual tools to help them move beyond abuse.

Abolishing Slavery

In the United States, we are marking the 150th anniversary of the American Civil War. One consequence of that conflict was the Emancipation Proclamation, which ended legal slavery. However, before that dream became a reality, there were many courageous people who helped slaves escape from their slave-owners and find passage to freedom. This passage became known as The Underground Railroad and one of its chief engineers was an escaped slaved named Harriet Tubman. I have to tell you that she is one of my all time heroes, but it wasn't just because of her involvement in The Underground Railroad. It was because of her militancy for freedom. (Click here to read more about her.)

Having been a slave, herself . . . having been permanently damaged by the abuse she suffered at the hands of her masters, she had almost insurmountable odds to overcome - just to live! But this pit-bull of a woman refused to remain a slave to her circumstances. She escaped and found her way to freedom, where she could have remained safe, but that was still not enough for her. Not enough because there were still those just like her who remained enslaved, hence the intensity of her mission and life work.

Harriet Tubman once made a statement that perfectly summarizes the struggles of all abuse survivors when she said, "I freed hundreds of slaves. I could have freed hundreds more had they only known they were slaves."
Perhaps one of the greatest challenges you face is recognizing the parts of your life - your mind, soul, body, and relationships - that are still enslaved. Let's face it - the legacy of abuse tends to keep how we live on a kind of "auto-pilot" in which you mindlessly obey the damage and don't even notice that you're not free. It is only when you've been conquered by it just once too many times that you become aware that you are still owned by it - owned by the damage and dysfunction. The question then becomes, what are you willing to risk to follow the passage that leads to freedom?

The journey beyond abuse is not for the faint-of-heart. It is for militants. It is for revolutionaries! It is for those who are sick and tired of being slaves to the past. So sick and tired of it that you're ready to escape, regardless. It's interesting to me that Harriet Tubman - and many just like her - didn't wait for the Emancipation Proclamation to proactively find freedom. She didn't need permission to know she deserved to be free. Neither do you. In fact, you may never be around people who think you have the right to be anything but conquered and dysfunctional, but you do!

The beautiful thing about making that decision to be free is that once you do, you already are! The recently released Burmese human rights activist, Aung San Suu Kyi, stated, "I always considered myself free because my mind is free." That's a powerful truth for you to embrace: once you make up your mind that you are ready to escape - to be free - you already are. This is an echo of Proverbs 23:7 in the Hebrew Bible that reads: "As a man thinks in his heart, so is he." That truth will be increasingly manifested as you take each step along your personal Underground Railroad. The fact that you're on it means you're no longer a slave. It means that you've laid claim to your emancipation and you're taking action on that claim.

Harriet Tubman was ruthless about freedom and would not tolerate anyone who jeopardized the escape to freedom. The legend goes that she was known to shoot people who did so! She was completely unwilling to risk dragging dead weight - those who impeded the journey, those who preferred bondage to freedom, and those who tried to hold her or her passengers back from being free.

You and I need to be equally committed when it comes to taking back ownership of our lives. While we must always respect ourselves and other, and interact with kindness and gentleness, that is not the equivalent of being a doormat or a pushover. You have every right to be free. Harriet Tubman, who was often referred to as Moses, knew this. Jesus came for this. You must know this too, and then push past the lies that enslave you and move along that well-worn path to freedom, illuminated by the Spirit of God.

Written by
Sallie Culbreth, Founder

Committed to Freedom . . . providing people with spiritual tools to help them move beyond abuse