(This is the first in a series of three articles about Advent as we prepare our hearts for Christmas: (1) Advent's Journey, (2) Advent's Trauma, and (3) Advent's Celebration.)
You would think that the task of bringing Jesus into the world would have qualified for a first class ticket in a deluxe camel caravan suite, but that wasn't the way it worked out for Mary and Joseph. From the beginning, there were no free passes for Jesus or his family. I've often tried to place myself in their shoes (or sandals). Of course, at this time of year, pastors and choirs and made-for-television Christmas specials examine every Christmas possibility, but this isn't going to be a detailed exploration of those reflections. Instead, from the perspective of an abuse survivor, I want to explore the parallel journey you are on as you make your way to a life beyond abuse.
Unsettling news was what prompted the journey of Mary and Joseph to Bethlehem. Mary's pregnancy and Joseph's response bound them together to complete an incredibly difficult mission. They were suddenly placed in a situation where society might reject them, where family might deny them, and where trust might never form between them. Their truth had the potential to isolate and possibly endanger their status and well-being.
When you, as an abuse survivor, finally acknowledge the unsettling truth about your experiences . . . when you rock the boat, shatter the secrets, and are emboldened to reclaim your life - you will be launched on a journey that has the potential to isolate and change how others see and they relate to you. This is a good thing, but it is also unsettling and life changing. However, to begin the process of moving beyond abuse will means that you have been prompted to take that first step. Making that decision - acting upon that decision - changes everything. Is there risk involved? Absolutely! You risk rejection, isolation, and perhaps even retribution. You also risk discovering the deepest levels of strength, love, beautiful people, and personal empowerment.
Under the circumstances, the journey was difficult. Mary was in the late term of her pregnancy; Joseph - knowing Who she was pregnant with - was responsible for her safe passage to Bethlehem. Not only that, but they lived under oppressive civil authority that required them to take this journey, and under rigid religious authority that eventually used their rules to crucify this child who was about to be born. However, they did not make this trip alone. There were others in equally difficult circumstances that travelled in this caravan toward Bethlehem.
The journey beyond abuse is always difficult. The circumstances - the actual abuse, your relationship dynamics, and the damage that you carry - create tremendous challenges to find safe passage to a life of peace, health, and balance. It is possible that you may encounter oppressive and rigid people who will not facilitate your progress, but throw further obstacles in your way. It is also possible that you will discover people on the same path who are willing to walk along side you as you travel.
At the journey's end – once the arrived in Bethlehem - it looked nothing like Mary and Joseph imagined. They expected to stay at an inn. Instead - thanks to the kindness of a stranger, the innkeeper - they were ushered to a stable where Mary gave birth amid donkeys and sheep and chickens and hay. I’ve read commentary on this that states the stable was actually a much better environment for Mary and Joseph than the inn. Rather than being crammed in a crowded inn with others, they were given the privacy and space they needed for the birth of Jesus.
People are often surprised by what they find when they move beyond abuse. It's probable that we all start out with some idea of what being healthy and balanced will look like, but it's also quite probable that the reality of journey's end will look quite different from that initial expectation. Being healthy might mean the beginning of a new relationship or the ending of an old one. It might mean changing personal habits or occupations or locations. Being balanced might completely alter the way you interact with others or how you reconnect with God. As you grow healthier, as you move further beyond abuse, you will discover that that which once occupied center-stage of your attention and your life - your abuse - will move to the side until it no longer defines you.
How wonderful it would have been for Mary and Joseph had there been a luxury train and a beautiful birthing suite for their journey to Bethlehem. How much easier it would have been if the angel of the Lord had appeared to all of their friends and leaders to let them know exactly Who was on his way and how this family should receive royal treatment at every juncture of the situation. But this was not to be for Mary and Joseph and Jesus. No short-cuts. No easy passage. No accommodation for these unique circumstances. This was a difficult journey in difficult circumstances.
You can spend all of your energy waiting for the luxury liner to pick you up and transport you to a fantasy destination, but that won't accomplish the new life you seek on this journey beyond abuse. Something has happened to you that is unsettling, inconvenient, and often quite painful. To move beyond abuse means that you embrace that reality and put one foot in front of the other because you KNOW there is more for your life than dysfunction, hopelessness, and chaos.
Why the human experience of men and women who do extraordinary things is so difficult remains a mystery. Mary and Joseph were given a remarkable privilege to participate in God's redemption of this world. You have also been given a remarkable privilege - to reclaim your life and find personal empowerment, health, and balance. That is no easy task, but when you take your life back into your hands - and out of your abusers' hands - you will be filled with awe and wonder. You will witness intimate miracles that few people could ever imagine. You will be in the presence of a miracle, of redemption, and of hope.
One final thought. This journey's struggle came about because average people made themselves available to do something extraordinary, and in that process, they were changed forever with the arrival of Christ. As you make yourself available to do something extraordinary, you, too, will be forever changed as you participate in life, following the path well-worn by the Prince of Peace.
Next week we will look at Advent's Trauma and the parallels with your journey beyond abuse.
Written by
Sallie Culbreth, Founder
Committed to Freedom . . . providing people with spiritual tools to help them move beyond abuse.
No comments:
Post a Comment