Rituals

The word "ritual" can have a very traumatic meaning to childhood abuse survivors. Let's face it - for many of us, there was certainly a ritual - a routine - that set up the grooming and the abuse scenario. Those rituals are part of the complex layers that make abuse recovery so challenging. Sometimes these routines are also associated with larger religious or cultural rituals - such as holidays. That's why holidays can feel so depressing or chaotic, and produce such high levels of anxiety or panic.
Personally, I've worked hard and come a long, long way in my journey beyond childhood sexual abuse, and yet I sat in church recently and was bombarded with flashbacks. I had to quickly pick up my recovery tools and go to work unraveling why these flashbacks hit me with such strength at that particular moment. After a few minutes, I recognized that it had to do with the way this particular church was decorated and the songs being sung. Once I clearly saw this association, I was able to speak the truth to those flashbacks and remind myself I was not a child being groomed. I was an adult, sitting in a beautifully decorated church, hearing wonderful music of hope and light.

That's the power of ritual. You know what is happening, you know what is going to happen, you know the routine. I believe that part of personal empowerment to help you move beyond abuse comes through reclaiming the power of ritual. Rituals can be powerful and comforting. The rituals of church liturgy and music, of graduations and weddings, and yes . . . the rituals of holidays, can be deep and profound for you. Even frivolous rituals like pep rallies before a ball game or brushing your teeth before bedtime can bring joy and anticipation. Rituals are powerful because they prepare you for events and they structure how that event is experienced in known and predictable ways. Rituals are also powerful because they can be shared experiences with others.


This Christmas, take the time to create new rituals or embrace familiar ones that will prepare your heart and your life for the celebration of the Prince of Peace. Your rituals don't have to be like those of others - but can be practices and routines that are meaningful to YOU. I don't know what those will be for you, but I DO know this: rituals do not belong exclusively to negative or traumatic experiences. You can reclaim the beauty of rituals by making your practices and routines a part of your spiritual and cultural celebrations. Prepare, enjoy, and savor what makes you happy, what connects you to God, what fortifies precious relationships, and what reminds you of hope and joy.

For me, Christmas rituals that are meaningful include going to our hometown Christmas parade, watching movies I've seen a hundred times before, listening to music, worshiping at church, and eating Chinese food on Christmas day on paper plates. Now . . . what rituals do YOU need to incorporate into your routine to reclaim this season (and to reclaim your life) as your very own - to be anticipated, celebrated, and savored?

p.s. Oh yeah - I almost forgot one more! Alvin and the Chipmunks singing "Christmas Christmas Time is Here!" is also a highly revered ritual sing-a-long, as long as we sing it in "chipmunk voices." Ho! Ho!! Ho!!!