Resolution: No Resolution

Abuse survivors tend to be people who actually think they should eat the whole elephant at one time! Unrealistic expectations are often directed not only at others, but at yourself, too. Perfection is a wretched task master, as you probably know. You either work yourself to death trying to achieve it, or you're so overwhelmed that you never even try. Either extreme is remarkably unhealthy for you.

At this time of year, the bar of unrealistic expectations is set particularly high. We've just finished Christmas - a holiday marked mostly by marketing as far as what it is supposed to be - perfect tree, perfect family, perfect food, perfect clothes, perfect body . . . perfect nonsense! But wait! There's more! Now we're looking at a new year - an artificial click of the clock that makes what happened at 11:59 pm different than what happens at 12:01 am. You'll be bombarded by weight loss programs, make-over’s for your kitchen and your wardrobe, challenges to pray more and read your Bible more, to improve your credit score, and on and on and on.

But I'd like to bombard you with this thought: How about no resolution for your New Year's Resolution? What would happen if you chuckled at the pressure to change something suddenly and walked away with a knowing-smile - aware that true change takes place reasonably, realistically, and rationally. Not happy with your weight? Then strive to make your next meal healthier - just your next one! You never know, you might decide to do the same thing for the one after that and the one after that, which might lead to a healthier weight. Want to be more familiar with the Bible? Then read a section today, and then meditate on it until it means something to you. You never know, you might read the next section and then the next, which might lead to a deeper understanding of the Scriptures. Want to remodel your kitchen? Change the light switch cover and maybe the cabinet pulls and THEN see how you feel about a project of that magnitude.

If you set the bar so high that you'll never achieve it, then you become discouraged and either quit or feel like a failure or drive yourself nuts. New Year's Resolutions are fine if they're reasonable and realistic. Abuse survivors can often see them as "all or nothing" decisions, and that's not good for you or anyone else. I'm still learning this in my own journey. I have to deliberately choose to stay in this moment - to celebrate when I accomplish a goal, such as eating a healthy meal or savoring moments with family and friends. So here's my New Year's Resolution: No Resolution! Consider that for yourself, too. Happy New Year! Woohoo!!