The Gates of Hell

I'm certain that I am not the only abuse survivor who feels as if the gates of hell were opened the moment that abuse took place. I don't want to come across as spooky and I assure you that I am NOT a demon hunter. I don't look for satanic causes to every bad experience or hardship or illness. I work hard to remain balanced and lean on reason as well as God. For example, if I am sick with a cold, the reason is because I probably didn't wash my hands or someone else with a cold sneezed in my direction. My first thought is not about a satanic attack, but more about fluids, bed rest, and vitamin C. I know there are people who might argue with me on this, but I don't live thinking I'm being stalked by Satan every time I sneeze.

However, I have had seasons in my life when catching a cold is literally the tipping point that sends me hurling through absolute darkness. Those times when the cold, stacked up on top of the basement flooding, stacked up on a fight with my husband, stacked up on top of my computer crashing, stacked up on top of my child's broken ankle from a fall at school, stacked up on top of my office being broken into, stacked up on top of my dog dying, stacked up on top of . . . well, you get what I mean. It's during THOSE seasons that it feels much darker than just a cold. It begins to feel as if a target has been painted on your back and you're eventually full of arrows.

I think it is foolish to ignore the kingdom of darkness. To underestimate it OR overestimate it is also a big mistake, in my opinion. I think the balance of living as a spiritual being in a physical world means that we RECOGNIZE dark things for what they are and seek strength and comfort in appropriate ways during those dark seasons. There is a passage in the Bible (Ephesians 6:12) that states, “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."

The experience of abuse - any kind of abuse - creates an affinity between the victim and dark things. Sexual abuse, in particular, seems to open your spirit up to those spiritual forces of evil that the scriptures refer to. Abuse creates a rift between your Creator and your soul. It yanks loose the connection to God that would have strengthened and comforted you. It lets raw sewage seep into your spiritual foundation. It puts distorted lenses into your glasses so that your perspective is skewed. It emboldens self-hatred and self-destruction to such an extent that love is destroyed, relationships are dysfunctional, and the clean, crisp air of God's Spirit is lost to rancid pollution.

I've been working in the spiritual dimension of sexual abuse recovery for almost twenty years now. I'm convinced I could write a horror story that would make Stephen King blush, based on my own experiences and the thousands of other stories I've heard over the years. If you're an abuse survivor, I know right now you can look back over your life and identify experience after experience that was just so over-the-top insane that it defied logic. I believe this is as much an aftermath of abuse as the physical, emotional, and psychological damage is.

So, is that just the way it is? Do you and I sigh, shake our heads, and think, we've been marked or cursed and there's nothing that can be done? Well, to that I say not only NO, but HELL NO! Yes, abuse opens a very dark portal. Yes, it seems that many of us have experienced more than our fair share of catastrophes. But I think if you look at the ultimate destination of where that darkness can take you - here and now - you'll see that it can plunge you into hopelessness, depressive despair, and a severed relationship with God. I've always believed that was the primary goal - the big picture goal - of abuse.

I believe abuse is much more than it appears to be. As vicious and unfair as the physical, sexual, mental, and emotional damage is because of abuse, the spiritual damage is profound and not to be ignored. For most of my adult life, I've been struggling with God, searching with a seeker's heart, listening and watching, waiting and wanting more than darkness.

You may feel as if the soles of your feet are charred because you've been walking through hell for so long. I understand that. I also understand that we are to be people of light - people who see things clearly, who understand the bigger picture. After all, if you've experienced the worst, then you know there's got to be something better - otherwise, you would settle for the worst and you wouldn't be here, reading this, seeking your own way out of the darkness.

I want to leave you with some proactive steps that I believe we are to take as we encounter those dark seasons. I hope you use these as a springboard to determine what empowering steps you need to take to reclaim your life.

• Look for patterns. Step away from the chaos of your circumstances for just a moment - as if you climbed up on a ladder looking down - and see if you recognize a sequence. Sickness - finances - work - family - relationships - fear - depressions. What are the patterns you see? Are they patterns of your making or not? (For example, if you keep over drafting because you forget to keep accurate bank records, the pattern is your making.) If you notice a pattern, then you have a larger clue as to what you're actually dealing with.
• What do these patterns evoke in you? Take some time to think about where you will ultimately end up if the impact of these patterns runs its usual course. Does it evoke self-sabotage, rage, the re-awakening of a long dormant addiction or habit, a walking away from God? Take the time to examine what is evoked in you. Again - that will give you a clearer idea of what is really going on.
• What part are you playing in this dark season? Are you feeding the dark things or nurturing the light?
• Are other people influencing you in dark ways or in light ways?
• Ask God to open your spiritual eyes - to help you see what is a consequence of living in the natural world where the laws of nature work predictably - and to help you see what are the workings of dark things over you and those you love.
• Take meaningful action to address spiritual darkness in spiritual ways. If you need to, seek out people who might understand the conflicts between light and dark, and ask them to help you through prayer and spiritual empowerment.
• Clean your environment. If you feel that something in your home or work or place of worship is attached to the dark season in your life, then it has already affected you as so. I don't think it's at all foolish to take action if it empowers you. Cleaning, re-arranging, anointing with oil, burning sage, purging your environment of disturbing things - these are all actions that can alter how you approach dark seasons.
• Dig in. If I've learned one thing in my lifetime, it is that storms pass - seasons change. If you recognize the patterns of a dark season, then you already know what you're dealing with. Hang on because things could get very, very bad - and then go from bad to worse. One of my favorite scriptures follows the one I cited earlier. This one states: "Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then." Ephesians 6:13.

And yes . . . I'm in a dark season right now. Pray for me, for Committed to Freedom, as we pray for you. But to quote the President of the United States in the movie Independence Day when confronted by the evil, locust-eating aliens, I say: "We will not go quietly into the night!" After all, you and I are much smarter and wiser than locust-eating aliens!