The Power of Empowerment

I'll never forget the terrifying experience of walking through my own home a few years ago and smelling a fragrance from a trauma that was over forty-five years old. I was home alone. It was terrifying because it was not possible. There was no way - under any circumstances - that THAT particular smell could be in my home, and yet it was there. I tore through everything in the bathroom, in the hallway, in the living room - trying to find out where it was coming from, but I was looking in the wrong places. I was looking OUTSIDE of myself, not inside.

A situation the day before had awakened a very old fear from my abuse. I was slowly processing the circumstances, using my tools - the tools I teach and help others to use every day - and using my voice to talk to the support people in my life. I was filled with anxiety and dread that morning. I hadn't slept the night before. This situation had become like a runaway train - heavy and out-of-control. Without going into any detail, the developments from the day before were going to explode later that afternoon - I had been warned about that - warned about that the day before. A phone call was coming that - in my mind - placed me back in the position of being a vulnerable, exposed, small child.

With every resource at my disposal, with every tool I teach and with every support person I could find, I frantically tried to unravel the knot this impending situation created in me. I thought I was coming to terms with it until that fragrance filled my home. It stuck to the roof of my mouth and turned my stomach. I knew it well. It might as well have been a ninja that slammed me up against the wall!

I quickly left and as soon as I got in my car, that same smell filled it, too. I couldn't believe it! Where ever I was, it was there. I called a friend who asked me one simple question that changed everything. "Well . . . what are you going to do about it?"

Whoa! It was like a bucket of ice water shocked me back to consciousness! I thought about that question - about what it MEANT and about what it IMPLIED. It MEANT that somewhere within me - within my own spiritual and reasoning resources - I could address the impending situation like an adult - not like a naked, terrified child. It IMPLIED that I was EMPOWERED to determine how to proceed, next.

I stammered a bit and replied, "I'm going to act first! I'm NOT going to wait for the threat; I'm going to make the first move on MY terms and MY schedule!" The minute - and I mean THE minute - I made the decision to address this impending situation - the smell vanished. Poof! Gone! I couldn't believe it!

I'm sure you could tell similar stories about something from that past that is so large and so threatening, that it pushes you back into that role of being vulnerable and small, helpless and exposed. As soon as I determined to take ownership of myself - of my choices and my boundaries - that ominous smell disappeared. Now believe me - I understand that there was NO SMELL - it was just that rotting terror of my childhood trying to rip off one more day of my life.

There is POWER IN CHOOSING EMPOWERMENT. The moment you firmly plant yourself in the here-and-now, then you declare your RIGHT TO BE, your RIGHT TO THINK FOR YOURSELF, and your RIGHT TO BE VALID. You step away from the role of a victimized child and step into the role of VIABLE BEING. This is not to say that you'll never be hurt again or that you have some kind of super-hero powers - but it IS to say that THE VERY ACT OF TURNING TO FACE THAT WHICH DIMINISHES YOU, AT ONCE EMPOWERS YOU!

Abuse can convince you that you'll always be small, vulnerable, exposed, and afraid. Those are lies. Moving beyond abuse means facing life in the present, here-and-now. It means that you exchange the lies for the truth and put away childish things - including childhood terror. 1 Corinthians 13:11 (my paraphrase) applies here: "When I was [an abused] child, I talked like [an abused] child, I thought like [an abused] child, I reasoned like [an abused]. When I became an adult, I put childish ways behind me."

Each time you face your circumstances in a reasonable, responsible, and mature way - accessing help, support, and resources - you have put away childish things. That's the power of empowerment!