Hijacked

It's no secret that sexual trauma is a thief. The experience of assault and abuse steals a great deal from victims. Innocence. Freedom. Health. Safety. Relationships. The list varies, but there is always loss.

A particularly troubling loss is to your calendar - your seasons - your special days. If Valentine's Day twelve years ago ended in rape, then the significance of that day changes for you. If your birthday celebration turned into an opportunity for predators to molest you, your birthday becomes tainted by their actions. If the night of your high school graduation included assault and terror, then that accomplishment has been overshadowed by pain and fear. If Sunday afternoons after church gave relatives an excuse to abuse you, then the "Day the Lord Has Made" feels as if it was made for weeping, not for worship. If you were preyed upon when going out with friends or walking down a street, you may think you were to blame for an attack because you were there, having fun. (Please NOTE: the person responsible for any abuse, assault, or attack is the perpetrator, NOT the victim!!)

Recovery is about taking back what you a right to. It is about refusing to relinquish your holidays or special occasions to the thief. It is about reclaiming your body as your own, your right to be who you are, and your seasons to enjoy as you see fit. You cannot be passive about this. No one will give you these things - you must militantly reclaim them as yours.

Our Co-Director, Anne, was brutally raped many years ago on Halloween. The fun, the costumes, the silly trick-or-treating - all of it had the potential to invoke only pain for the rest of her life, and that would be understandable. But Anne did something revolutionary. She refused to let the vile animals that did this to her hijack the day. How did she do that? Well, every Halloween, she throws a HUGE party, decorates her house so elaborately that it stops traffic, and dresses in costumes with her friends and family, enjoying treats and special times of fun. In other words, the day that was hijacked - she took back!

Yes, trauma is a thief. A brutal, cruel thief. There is nothing to make light of. To shrug it off, to push it deep inside, or to deny the loss will only hijack all of your future days, seasons, and moments. There is loss, but there can also be gain if you make the decision to reclaim what you have every right to.

An important aspect of this reclamation process, is that the timing has to be right for YOU - when you're ready. At first, it may feel forced or false, but the key is to aggressively claim what is yours!

There is a time to mourn and to remember. There is a time to reflect and heal. And there is a time to radically take back what is yours - be it attending a religious service, Valentine's Day, Sunday afternoons, the first day of springs, or walking down any street you want to!

In the Hebrew Bible, there is a beautiful promise from God that states, "“I will restore to you the years that the locust has eaten" (Joel 2:25). Trauma hijacks the ordinary every day moments and the large celebratory ones too. You have been empowered by God to take those back and reclaim them as yours.

Written by Sallie Culbreth, Founder
Committed to Freedom . . . providing people with spiritual tools to help them move beyond abuse