Acknowledging the Depression Monster

Let me say at the onset that depression is a serious condition that needs immediate attention. I completely support the use of anti-depressants to better manage the symptoms of depression. I completely support the use of medications to better manage the symptoms of depression. I also completely support exercise, healthy diet, stress management, and contemplative prayer. Depression is physical AND emotional AND spiritual - and all sides of that equation need to be tended to. It is complex and may require the attentive care of qualified professionals, including a mental health therapist and a physician.

For more information about depression, go to the National Institute of Mental Health website:
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/depression/complete-index.shtml

I want to address the energy behind depression - behind depressive symptoms. Traumatic experiences, such as childhood sexual abuse or sudden loss, bring you face to face with the terrible reality that the world is not safe . . . that the world is not good. You may remember the moment you experienced that reality - you may not. Some people recognize this gradually by simply living life, but trauma plunges you into that realization with little-to-no preparation and very few tools to work through it.

Faced with the shocking realization that the world is not safe and not good, people have to find ways to cope. That can lead you to create elaborate and irrational beliefs and habits to push the shock away. Unfortunately, this is usually manifested in self-sabotage at best, and complete despair at worst. As the cyclical trauma/self-sabotage/despair perpetuates itself, it gathers momentum (and years), and becomes the perfect storm for depression.

It's almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy. You experience trauma and become immersed in a world of terror, powerlessness, and vulnerability. The stage is set for you to expect that kind of world, particularly if you were the victim of chronic abuse or neglect. At some level, you not only are the victim of trauma, but also a victim of your irrational beliefs and behaviors that are formed to push the experience of trauma away.

Of course, those experiences have a way of pushing back and you find yourself facing not only the reality of what WAS - but also facing the tremendous disappointment of what HAS BECOME. You lose hope because the trap of trauma and irrational living seems to overtake and overpower you. Essentially, you lose heart. You can't find the energy or drive to function. You struggle to answer the question, "Is it worth it?" with any response other than, "Not really." You get so beat down by what WAS and what IS that you have no reserve to draw from. It's the epic struggle for power and control gone terribly, destructively wrong.

In a perfect world, you have adequate funds and resources for appropriate help. Of course, that's not the experience of many abuse survivors who struggle with depression. In fact, you may be suffering not only from depression, but from the inability to find or pay for the help you need. This is when - even if you don't feel like it - you must find an interior point-of-reference in order to better manage depression. Depression - even when you're on medication - can obstruct your view of that inner strength point-of-reference, so it's important to begin with a simple success and build on it. Even if you do have appropriate care and medications, you must still find the tools to draw upon your inner strength.

Your greatest strength is ENDURANCE. You have proven that because you're here! Depression distorts how you see yourself, particularly when you've been abused. Even the smallest re-adjustment of your self-image could make a huge difference in how you manage depression. So think about that - YOUR GREATEST STRENGTH IS YOUR ENDURANCE OR YOU WOULDN'T BE HERE!

Another great strength you have is your TENACITY to press forward. Again, if you didn't have tenacity, you wouldn't be here and you certainly wouldn't be reading this article! The fact that you've sought help - that you're reading this article - clearly demonstrates that you are like a pit-bull who will not let go until you find what you need.

A substantial question to ask yourself if you struggle with depression is, "What strength has gotten me this far?" I'm talking about STRENGTHS - not the band aide like drinking or spending or hiding or other self-sabotaging habits - what STRENGTH has gotten you this far? Look for that strength - capitalize on it. Put it in the center of your thinking and focus. Use the STRENGTHS that you have identified (like endurance and tenacity for starters) to build on. Perhaps one strength you can build on is your relationship with God – or perhaps not. For many abuse survivors - even the relationship with God seems to be peppered with disappointment and disillusionment.

An important tool to manage the spiritual component of depression is to tell God how you feel about your connection to him. Finding an ally in God is possible only when that connection is built on honesty - so if you're comforted by God - tell him. If you struggle with God - tell him. Either way, you're not taking God by surprise, but you are building your interior resources.

I recognize that life - by and large - is a pretty disappointing experience. Trauma certainly cements that reality into your soul, but so does the day-to-day struggle to function that so many of us know. You can't talk yourself out of depression with optimistic drivel, but you can take a breath and acknowledge that life has been very unfair. With that acknowledgement also comes the recognition that you have tremendous strength or you wouldn't have made it this far.

Read up on depression and how to help yourself through proper food, rest, and stress management. Change what you can. Stay away from depressing entertainment. Use what little energy you have wisely. Recognize your strengths and slowly build on them. Do things that will nurture a healthier worldview to anchor you into what could become an ally. Think strategically to identify not only WHAT you can do to help yourself, but HOW.


This is the third in a three part series on Acknowledging the Monsters.