Noise

I once read that silence was the first language of God. Of course, the opposite of silence is noise. For an abuse survivor, the greatest noise to contend with is probably the noise inside your own head! Noise is usually a force to contend with - whether it originates on the inside or the outside, whether you're a talker or the quiet type, into harps and Indian flutes or drum solos and screaming electric guitars - noise impacts your journey. Those who are deaf also contend with noise, it's just that the receptacles for that noise come through other senses, but there is still a lot of head traffic.

For some abuse survivors, noise can be something to hide behind. Music is loud, television is always on, iPods are always running. For others, noise is something they constantly produce through unending chatter and relentless talking. Noise, when used to hide, is chaotic. It is meant to deflect the inside noise and to push reality to a more comfortable distance.

For other abuse survivors, noise can be something that brings comfort. The music may still be loud, the television be on 24/7, and the iPod may always be running, but the function of noise is different. It provides a point of reference that orients and anchors. It makes things that go bump in the night less noticeable. It provides companionship and diminishes the isolation that many abuse survivors feel. It serves to better manage the inside noise, as well as push reality to more comfortable distances.

Noise can also give abuse survivors identity. It helps to frame emotions and experiences. Depression. Anxiety. Fury. Joy. Exhilaration. Inspiration. Despair. The noise of music and television and iPods and movies can be powerful validators and normalizers for people who are on this long journey of recovery.

And yet, the admonition to "Be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10 in the Hebrew Bible) can feel challenging for one whose inner noise is relentless, and whose outer noise never stops. Silent meditation is a common part of many spiritual retreats and faith traditions, and yet it can feel quite unsettling. If there is no external noise and the interior noise is being muted, what will you hear? What will you find? Who will you be? What will you know?

The practice of intentional silence is one of the most powerful tools you can use in abuse recovery. This is especially true if you're resistant to that idea! Your resistance is a red flag that needs attention. In my own journey beyond abuse, I noticed a distinct change in my anxiety and agitation when I began practicing intentional silence. I did this in various ways that worked for me. I eliminated morning news from my routine. Then I eliminated evening news. (Don't worry, I still get all the news my mind can take, I just get it through new sources that I read rather than hear or watch.) I walked without headphones and observed sights and sounds I hadn't noticed before. I hiked or drove to scenic overlooks and sat in silence, opening my mind and spirit to God's voice - to peace and love. I paid more attention to others without anticipating my next sentence, holding my thoughts and words until I really heard what the other had to say (which - for me - is like trying to stop the BP oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico!). Even when I had small children and a full time job, I viewed time in the shower as an opportunity to be silent – where the white noise of running water would give me the chance to be still.

These are little things I did, with great intentionality, that began to de-clutter my mind and heart. After extended practice of these small shifts, something changed in the noise. It morphed into sound. Sound that had structure and order to it. Sound that could be managed, used for comfort and validation. Sound that could fortify me. I will write what I've written many times before - abuse recovery is about finding balance. Submerge in silence for a brief time, turn off the noise for a season. You will re-surface with a healthier relationship to sound - both interior and exterior, and a clearer understanding of how to manage it to make you healthier.

Transition is always a fascinating thing. Moving from noise to sound comes through practice - the practice of intentional silence. It reminds me of my grandson’s kindergarten violin concert this past spring. Five and six year olds played violin. For parents and grandparents, family and friends it was beautiful! Extraordinary! Exquisite! For an honest listener, it was pretty much torture. But for THIS grandmother, I heard the New York Philharmonic accompany Itzhak Perlman! That's because I looked beyond the noise and heard the sounds of effort and youth, discipline and potential . . . and it brought peace to my heart and joy to my soul.

Written by Sallie Culbreth, Founder
Committed to Freedom


Beyond Abuse Retreat for Men & Women in NYC

Register online for the Beyond Abuse retreat for both men and women, October 22-24, 2010 in Staten Island, NY. This is a truly life changing retreat that you don't want to miss! There are financial incentives for early registration or registration with a partner. October will be here before you know it. Register online today by clicking here!

I hope to see you there!

Peace, Sallie Culbreth
Founder
Committed to Freedom