Unscheduled Delays

The question - and I mean THE question - everyone asks at some point in their abuse recovery is, "When will I be normal?" "When will I be free . . . when will I be okay . . . out of pain?" These, I believe, are the wrong questions. The more appropriate question might be, "How can I become healthier?"

Abuse recovery is quite often referred to as a journey. It doesn't occur in a vacuum. It occurs in the context of work and school, relationships and hobbies, wake and sleep. It also occurs in conjunction with the process of aging and being. From the day you're born until the day you die - you're a work in progress. The energy and immaturity of young adulthood guides its gut-wrenching peaks and valleys under any circumstances. The weakened, slower body of senior adulthood presents an altogether different set of challenges and rewards. Also included in these passages - for survivors - is the recovery process.

Recovery is not on a timetable. There are no published schedules that tell you when you will arrive, or even where you will arrive. Recovery is not commanded, it is explored. It is a struggle with tiny successes, profound losses, and occasional, monumental victories. No matter how self-aware, self-controlled, or self-motivated you may be, recovery unfolds in its own time, in its own way.

As I write this article, I am on a plane. A plane that's almost an hour late from its scheduled departure time. This, of course, will mean that I miss my connecting flight, which in turn means I will not get home until very late tonight or maybe even tomorrow. I'm exhausted, hungry, and a bit annoyed. That's the way it goes with abuse recovery, too. No matter how tight your recovery schedule may be, no matter how hard you work or how many books you read or how many hours you spend in therapy, you're going to experience unscheduled delays. They will feel like set-backs, but they're not.

Recovery's work is to slowly reveal how you can live in a healthier way - physically, emotionally, spiritually, sexually, and relationally. It occurs in the context of living life - which is an unpredictably wild ride. My flight was delayed due to mechanical problems. As annoying as it was to sit on the runway for an hour while the technicians fixed the problem, I kept reminding myself that if they didn't fix it, we would never arrive.

In your recovery process, expect those same kinds of moments. Moments when everything comes to a screeching halt while adjustments and repairs must happen if you are to continue on. It's frustrating, inconvenient, and – by the way – absolutely necessary. It can be looked at as REAL progress. Without these kinds of delays, what truly needs attention will be ignored, and that's no way to become healthier.

Your destination is to become healthier. The time-table for this is unknown, but the great mystery is that you will know you've arrived when you get there. In the meantime- keep your seatbelt buckled and your book opened. It may be awhile and it may go - not according to your plan - but according to a larger schedule. The schedule for you to become truly healthy. Truly free.

Written by Sallie Culbreth, Founder
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