Weak Levee of Denial

You've probably heard the saying: "Denial - it's not a river in Egypt." That's true. But if it were, it would eventually flood and move past its banks causing a great deal of damage or loss. It will put so much pressure on poorly built levees that they will eventually crumble, leaving a trail of destruction that can cause as much - or more - harm than the actual swollen waterway. Denial is deadly. It solves nothing and often exacerbates already difficult issues or circumstances because they go unchecked, untended, or unresolved.

It's easy to understand why denial is the "drug of choice" for abuse survivors. Abuse is ugly. It is often filled with shame, secrets, terror, danger, and pain. If you remain in denial, then you don't have to deal with a shattered family, broken relationships, or the difficult questions about why people didn't protect you or how they could do these things to you. The problem is that even though you don't acknowledge the problem, the problem is still there - festering, bulging, and pushing through your weak levee of denial.

At the time of your abuse and all the trauma associated with it - denial may have served as a buffer between your ability to function and the complicated trauma of abuse. The problem with denial of HOW these experiences impacted you THEN - and impact you NOW - is the pressure-building that goes unchecked. All of the energy that could be used draining that pressure is instead used to metaphorically hang paper murals that are painted to look like a solid steel and concrete dam. It’s a façade.

One of the great challenges in breaking through denial is the confusion between acknowledging reality and telling the world.

• Acknowledging reality can be as quiet and simple as writing in a journal without self-editing or self-restraint.
• Telling the world, on the other hand - can create a firestorm for which you may or may not be prepared.
• Acknowledging reality may require you to take a good hard look in the mirror, rolling up your sleeves, and getting to work to reclaim your life.
• Telling the world, on the other hand can create a sense of exposure that may not be constructive or good for you.
• Acknowledging reality may involve seeking the help of trusted, wise, and competent counsel.
• Telling the world, on the other hand, can give the wrong impression that everyone is invited to give their input and direction.

Denial will take an enormous toll on your health - physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. It will cause pressure to build, but because you're in denial - all of that toxic energy will probably be spent destroying the people who really do love you, living beneath your potential, perfecting your bark without sharpening your bite, and living in complete captivity rather than in complete freedom.

Rather than contributing to the pressure that will eventually burst the levee of denial, how much better would it be to gradually drain off this pressure in a controlled and responsible way? This is done by acknowledging truth – what you know. The first one who needs to acknowledge your truth is YOU, but you aren't the only one who needs to know. Abuse recovery is rarely accomplished by yourself. Denial is rarely dismembered alone. You will need support, wisdom, and guidance from other sources. God. A trusted friend. A skilled therapist. A good book. Any of these will be important structural components to manage the weight behind whatever truths you've been trying to deny.

Denial is an inadequate attempt to contain the difficult issues from abuse. We saw the results of inadequate levees after Hurricane Katrina. The strongest levee you can build to find personal empowerment, spiritual freedom, and the path to move beyond abuse involves truth, not denial.